Well I am back with my daily life thoughts and experiences!

 It is a typical Sunday morning here in Maryland.  I am missing my mini me but she is on a mini vacay to North Carolina before getting back to her summer of fun with friends. 

She was lucky enough to spend a few days with her sister this past week and decided to go visit more family in North Carolina.  She will be missed but I hopefully can fill my time with new excited goals that i am going to start this week.

Clay is doing his thing and growing into a great man.  He is very much starting a goal of becoming a home owner by saving saving saving.  

Then there is my step mom who is one year and a few months without my dad.  We lost him 4/20/21 and it has been a growing time for our relationship.

We try hard to do all that we can for her as she has lots of medical issues and is alone often.  We try to take her to dinner and shopping when we can.  We are all growing to love her more and more.

So the only one left is me.  I am on a debt free journey which is so very hard to achieve.  I will say this one time but currently if I calculate my debt it is roughly at 198K.  This is ridiculous amount and the biggest part is student loans.  I am going to conquer this debt payoff as quickly as possible so I can own a house by the age of 55.  Wish me luck and I am happy to blog my journey as I move through the process.

First goal is my daughter has a tuition payment due by July 18th for the fall semester and we still owe $1664 which does not seem like a lot but it will be tough to accomplish without using my credit cards.

Let the fun times begin.

My Life as it seems to others

I often hear from others "you are such a good person" or " you are such a good mother".  Well life is not usually what it seems.

My life is not a box of chocolates.  It is not a present given to me and tied with a nice little bow.

I actually feel pretty much like a mom on the verge of a daily meltdown.  My kids say that I am a good momma.  Somehow I feel like I am continually letting them down.

I am only a mere human who actually has flaws.  I have no excuse for the things that have happened in my life lately.  All that I can say is that I am deeply sorry and ask for forgiveness.

I am blessed that my kids have forgiven my faults, my parents are still proud of me, my friends are standing by my side.  I am the lucky one in this world.  God has forgiven my sins and now it is time to rebuild my life once again.

So keep in mind as you look to those friends, family members and foes whose lives seem to be put together that most times they to have flaws.  Some flaws deeper than most and they need prayers and love to get through their most guarded secrets.

No one in this world is flawless it may seem like it at times but the world is full of sinners.  No one is immune to this.  No one has a right to judge another and no one should envy what another person has.

Till I write again.

Just when you think that your life is figured out.  That fate has been decided....you are thrown a curve ball that you just cannot imagine.

Life is should be a positive experience in my opinion.  Do not dwell on the negative and definitely keep the drama to a minimum.  My health requires nothing less and I try not to do stress anymore.

If someone comes into your life and has a positive impact on you.  Just be glad and thankful that it happened.  If the special someone needs to leave your life for whatever reason just be grateful that you had the opportunity to have them if even just for a few minutes.

Nothing is more important than learning to have empathy for others.  Remember you do not know their story so do not judge someone.  Falling in love is easy but learning to love is a very hard thing to do.  Never let a day go by where you do not tell those in your life that you love them.  You never know when they will be taken from you.  So live your life like it is the last day on this earth.  Walk away from the negative and just focus on the positive.

Forgiveness

This has been an extremely crazy last couple of days.  I wanted to let you all know a few very important things near and dear to my heart.


Remember in life that people make mistakes, every single person in this world has made a mistake.  Whether you believe in God or Science, lets just say that it took us over 2000 plus years to create the world that we live in...time stands still for no one. So make the best of it and please stop dwelling over things in life that just don't matter.


It took a pretty special guy to bring light to my life recently.  I will be forever indebted to him for that and to my dad and stepmom.  The thing is that I lived in my past too long.  I missed out on life when I could have been living. I allowed myself to hold a grudge for so many years that it really became a way of life.


So I am really trying to change my life, be a better person, and learn to forgive those that have wronged me and forgive myself too.  The funny thing is that forgiveness is not necessarily about giving the person satisfaction.  It is really all about you.  Allowing yourself freedom from the burdens.  Forgiving yourself is probably the hardest of these things.  I have struggled with self forgiveness many years.  Sadly I am still struggling with it but I am not giving up.  Forgiveness is only going to make me a better person, allowing me to love myself and others again.


A wise man said to me that you have always been Tina, you do not have to find yourself, she is there just waiting for you to be her....


Well that statement rings true in so many ways.  I am blessed to be able to have a guy wise enough to help me understand that about myself.  I still struggle with seeing my old self but when I do struggle I simply remember what he said. 


I guess what I am trying to say is no matter the issue in life it is always easier to forgive then to live a life time of hate.  Life is way to short to hold on to anger.  Allow yourself to live by forgiving those that angered you or yourself. 


Its time now...time to move on.  There is little time in this lifetime to live in the past.  It may be hard but it is far from impossible.  Surround yourself with positive people who care about you and it will get easier by the day.


Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness! But because you deserve peace in your life!

Days gone by....

Did you ever walk into a house, restaurant, drive down a country road with the windows down, or take a walk and smell something or see something that reminds you of days gone by....?

Well I do it everyday since I moved back to Maryland....today was no exception!  We drove up to the store in Pennsylvania and the memories poured into my mind.

I looked across the field on Hwy 439 and saw a tractor cutting a field...instantly thoughts of my Uncle Alfred came into my mind...I use to sit in his lap in the tractor.  One day we both fell asleep...tractor spinning in circles until my cousin finally jumped on and woke my uncle😊.

Then there is the fresh eggs for sale  sign by the steps leading to road .... my Aunt Linda flooded my mind.  She use to make me laugh always selling eggs.  One day when  my kids were young.  We were visiting from Germany and a man came up those steps.  "Excuse me," he said " I think this one belongs to you." He was carrying my girl in his arms. 

We finally made it to the store and I picked up all the ingredients to make my dad and step mom some enchiladas. Talk about memories....Aunt Doris was from Arizona!!! Now she knew how to make some enchiladas!!! She always was willing to let us watch so we could remember how she made them.  I was the youngest so my memories of her are far less then my sisters and cousins.  I try still but mine just aren't the same.  Still delicious but not my Aunt Doris'....

Cherish memories...write them down...don't let opportunities pass you by.....

To blog or not to blog?

I've often wondered if blogging is in my future...I mean is this blog for me or for a broader audience?

Well it started as a way for me to remember interesting stories about my kids.  Although I stopped writing for a little bit, I did miss telling my story.

I guess now that my kids are moving on it seems like a way for me to capture my viewpoint on life.

It's more of a seeing the world through my eyes. Which is funny because my eyes often notice things that most people overlook. 

My best thoughts are early morning on my walk or late at night while in bed.  As I drift off to sleep I think about my day. Early in the morning are my best pictures.   Morning dew, birds, babbling brooks, water falls, wild flowers, and my dog.

I love to share the world through my eyes and hope that you enjoy reading about it too....I'll leave you with a look at my dog. We were meditating after a 6.5 mile hike.

Prayers and Meditation!

So this morning my hike was a little shorter than usual, I walked along the pathway hoping to clear my head.  This is not a good day for me as far as my health goes.  But I will work through the pain with God's help.

I can feel it in my joints, my hands are swollen already at 7am.  My shoulders feel like the world is on them.  So I decided to stop and sit and meditate to the sounds of the trail.

If y'all could only hear this place and see what I am blessed to see.  Pictures does not begin to show its beauty.   The sound of the water hitting the rocks, ripples in water, the birds calling to each other, woodpeckers, robins, blue jays, cardinals. 

The smells remind me of where I was raised.  Honeysuckle and BlackBerry blooms, wild flowers, and the smell of the water in the air.  My dog is enjoying the cool water as I sit and watch her play.

Today one mile in to my walk, I needed to stop and just thank God! One for allowing me to wake with a smile, two for giving me the determination to drive to the trail, and lastly for helping me clear my mind of negatives.  I only asked him for strength to get through the walk today...to relieve my pain just enough for me to make it to my rock.

In an instant I felt better...my shoulders were less burdened, my joints eased up, and my head became even clearer.

I try to thank God daily for everything He's giving me.  His plan is set in place for me.  I realize that all I need to do is step out of His way.  Allow Him to help and trust in Him. 

My most precious prayer to date is asking Him for a sign that I am on the right track.  He hasn't failed me yet.  Daily I am reminded that I am deserving, beautiful, and blessed!

Bom dia Alex 😊