Forgiveness

This has been an extremely crazy last couple of days.  I wanted to let you all know a few very important things near and dear to my heart.


Remember in life that people make mistakes, every single person in this world has made a mistake.  Whether you believe in God or Science, lets just say that it took us over 2000 plus years to create the world that we live in...time stands still for no one. So make the best of it and please stop dwelling over things in life that just don't matter.


It took a pretty special guy to bring light to my life recently.  I will be forever indebted to him for that and to my dad and stepmom.  The thing is that I lived in my past too long.  I missed out on life when I could have been living. I allowed myself to hold a grudge for so many years that it really became a way of life.


So I am really trying to change my life, be a better person, and learn to forgive those that have wronged me and forgive myself too.  The funny thing is that forgiveness is not necessarily about giving the person satisfaction.  It is really all about you.  Allowing yourself freedom from the burdens.  Forgiving yourself is probably the hardest of these things.  I have struggled with self forgiveness many years.  Sadly I am still struggling with it but I am not giving up.  Forgiveness is only going to make me a better person, allowing me to love myself and others again.


A wise man said to me that you have always been Tina, you do not have to find yourself, she is there just waiting for you to be her....


Well that statement rings true in so many ways.  I am blessed to be able to have a guy wise enough to help me understand that about myself.  I still struggle with seeing my old self but when I do struggle I simply remember what he said. 


I guess what I am trying to say is no matter the issue in life it is always easier to forgive then to live a life time of hate.  Life is way to short to hold on to anger.  Allow yourself to live by forgiving those that angered you or yourself. 


Its time now...time to move on.  There is little time in this lifetime to live in the past.  It may be hard but it is far from impossible.  Surround yourself with positive people who care about you and it will get easier by the day.


Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness! But because you deserve peace in your life!

Days gone by....

Did you ever walk into a house, restaurant, drive down a country road with the windows down, or take a walk and smell something or see something that reminds you of days gone by....?

Well I do it everyday since I moved back to Maryland....today was no exception!  We drove up to the store in Pennsylvania and the memories poured into my mind.

I looked across the field on Hwy 439 and saw a tractor cutting a field...instantly thoughts of my Uncle Alfred came into my mind...I use to sit in his lap in the tractor.  One day we both fell asleep...tractor spinning in circles until my cousin finally jumped on and woke my uncle😊.

Then there is the fresh eggs for sale  sign by the steps leading to road .... my Aunt Linda flooded my mind.  She use to make me laugh always selling eggs.  One day when  my kids were young.  We were visiting from Germany and a man came up those steps.  "Excuse me," he said " I think this one belongs to you." He was carrying my girl in his arms. 

We finally made it to the store and I picked up all the ingredients to make my dad and step mom some enchiladas. Talk about memories....Aunt Doris was from Arizona!!! Now she knew how to make some enchiladas!!! She always was willing to let us watch so we could remember how she made them.  I was the youngest so my memories of her are far less then my sisters and cousins.  I try still but mine just aren't the same.  Still delicious but not my Aunt Doris'....

Cherish memories...write them down...don't let opportunities pass you by.....

To blog or not to blog?

I've often wondered if blogging is in my future...I mean is this blog for me or for a broader audience?

Well it started as a way for me to remember interesting stories about my kids.  Although I stopped writing for a little bit, I did miss telling my story.

I guess now that my kids are moving on it seems like a way for me to capture my viewpoint on life.

It's more of a seeing the world through my eyes. Which is funny because my eyes often notice things that most people overlook. 

My best thoughts are early morning on my walk or late at night while in bed.  As I drift off to sleep I think about my day. Early in the morning are my best pictures.   Morning dew, birds, babbling brooks, water falls, wild flowers, and my dog.

I love to share the world through my eyes and hope that you enjoy reading about it too....I'll leave you with a look at my dog. We were meditating after a 6.5 mile hike.

Prayers and Meditation!

So this morning my hike was a little shorter than usual, I walked along the pathway hoping to clear my head.  This is not a good day for me as far as my health goes.  But I will work through the pain with God's help.

I can feel it in my joints, my hands are swollen already at 7am.  My shoulders feel like the world is on them.  So I decided to stop and sit and meditate to the sounds of the trail.

If y'all could only hear this place and see what I am blessed to see.  Pictures does not begin to show its beauty.   The sound of the water hitting the rocks, ripples in water, the birds calling to each other, woodpeckers, robins, blue jays, cardinals. 

The smells remind me of where I was raised.  Honeysuckle and BlackBerry blooms, wild flowers, and the smell of the water in the air.  My dog is enjoying the cool water as I sit and watch her play.

Today one mile in to my walk, I needed to stop and just thank God! One for allowing me to wake with a smile, two for giving me the determination to drive to the trail, and lastly for helping me clear my mind of negatives.  I only asked him for strength to get through the walk today...to relieve my pain just enough for me to make it to my rock.

In an instant I felt better...my shoulders were less burdened, my joints eased up, and my head became even clearer.

I try to thank God daily for everything He's giving me.  His plan is set in place for me.  I realize that all I need to do is step out of His way.  Allow Him to help and trust in Him. 

My most precious prayer to date is asking Him for a sign that I am on the right track.  He hasn't failed me yet.  Daily I am reminded that I am deserving, beautiful, and blessed!

Bom dia Alex 😊

Time for a lil laughter in your life....

Ok I'm just saying that today started out great!!! I woke up at 5:00am.  You just have to love that especially when the dog just looked at me and turned her back and went to sleep again.


So I diligently read a chapter in my book, determined to add reading back into my life.  Hating the choice of book but pushing myself to finish it.  My mind wondered off thinking of everything that I needed to accomplish today.  Then back to the task at hand my chapter....ugh.


So about 5:30a, I decided, that more important then my book, my health needed attention.  I jumped out of bed and through some clothes on as the dog simply looked at me like REALLY!!! Yes, Shadow it was time.  We walked down the hallway towards the kitchen.  I grabbed my camera, a peanut butter covered rice cake, bottle of water, and dog.  Out to the truck we went eating my nasty rice cake and thinking ugh.  Dog jumps in the passenger side and off we head radio blaring, windows down, singing like I'm a rock star and driving like a crazy woman.  Oh if you only saw me...side note I cannot believe how many people are awake and on the road at 5:40am. 


We pull into the rail trail parking lot at 5:57a just in time to start my pedometer app on my phone and head up the trail.  Only thing on the trail at that time of the morning were squirrels, birds, and us (me and Shadow).  I have a personal goal of 10K steps a day. 


It is amazing how quiet the morning was....a great time to reflect on life to date.  Let's just say lots of praying and reflecting happened.  Before I knew it I had walked 2.5m missed the very rock that I was searching out.  I just wanted to sit by the creek listening to the water and birds.  Too late so around we turned and headed back.  Looked at my app when we returned to the truck and yup before 8AM I had walked over 10k steps and well on my way to surpassing my record.  Did I forget to mention that I couldn't close my hand when I returned.  I could barely grip the freaking key to open the door....dang I need to go see my doc and figure out what I need to do.


So stopped at the library on the way home...said hello to some people...answered some messages...and drove home. 


Pulled into the yard and saw my dad out in his garden.  What a beautiful sight just watching him till the land and plant the seeds.  I cannot wait for the first tomato to be ready or for the cucumbers to be ready for canning.  Yes, this year I will be canning some marinara sauce, spaghetti sauce, tomatoes, pickles, and anything else that I can.


Jumped out of the truck headed for a shower....and then it happened....the unthinkable....the cell phone was in my jeans....I was singing to the music and getting undressed.  Jumped in the shower.  Then I lay down to finish that chapter that I couldn't quite get through this morning.  I proceeded to get dressed and walked out to check on my dad.  No cell?!? hmm so I check the truck.  Nope...I check the bedroom....Nope...I check the shower...Nope.  HMMMM now I am confused.  Out to the truck again.  Nothing.  So I checked one more time.  :-( I found it.....Lets just say that the phone is in a rice bag hopefully drying out.  So no phone....


I have to say that through all this positives did happen today.  I cannot explain everything but I will say this....Everything will work out.  Hopefully within the next couple days...I will have a phone again.  The internet will be working in my new house.  I hope to have my Maryland DL so my notary will be on its way.  That means a job...and then I can start to live again.  Oh yeah and I started on my Cross Stitch...which makes me happy!!!


Hope you got a kick out of it.  Miss you dearly but time will pass quickly.

Happy Memorial day!!!

Most everyone relates Memorial day to BBQ and swimming pools the beginning of summer so to say. 

Hotdogs, hamburgers, potato salad, macaroni salad, deviled eggs, sweet tea, etc etc.... Pool's opening up.  Picnics by the river. 

Let's think back and remember why we have a Memorial day! Our fallen heroes ...Navy, Marines, Air Force, Army, and Coast Guard.

They fought for our freedom.  Our right read, blog, dance, swim, BBQ, and live life!

Please today take a moment to remember those who can't be with us today!

Dreams

Just had a great morning💖💖

Follow your dreams
No one else can follow them for you.
Only you can achieve them!

I forgot that but I am back on track.

This is one summer so far.  It will only get better because I'm going to make it better.

Cookouts, music, hikes, pictures, and reading.  Maybe a lot of sunshine and wine too.

Love fresh cut fields and birds chirping.

See y'all tomorrow!

Springtime in Maryland

Well here I am...couple of years later and I find myself in Maryland.  I feel home again.

This will be an interesting chapter in my life as I start my empty nest life.  Let's catch you up on the last few months. 

My little slice of country in Maryland.

Sarah Jayne is now a senior in college...I know can you believe it. I cannot believe how the years have flown by.  She is currently living in Memphis with her beau and is expecting a little bundle of joy come this fall. I still say October 13th is the day to have it Sarah!!!

Clay is now living in Missouri with my sister and his cousins.  Trying to figure out what adult life is all about and I am trying to breathe.  Oh I do miss him but realize that my little boy needs time to figure life out on his own.

That leaves us with Mary Beth....she is in North Carolina with her father and surrounded by cousins, Aunts and Uncles, Grandparents and friends.  She gave me puppy dog eyes when I said that Cyrus was coming to live with me.  However in the end she won out and Cyrus is happily a permanent resident of Mary Beth's room.  I hear he loves to snuggle her at night time ....all 180lbs of him.

And so my new chapter in life begins...I get a house to myself.  I learn to cook for one.  I get to dance and sing to music I enjoy, as I'm cleaning my house.  I can sleep in if wanted and read books until early morning.  I can watch my movies without complaints.  I can drink a beer or eat a steak or just take in the smells of springtime. I am learning that for once in my life it is time to take care of me.

So with that being said I think that I may just need to soak up some sunshine and make me a hotdog with slaw and sauce...drink a sweet tea with lemon and listen to a little Ed Sheeran.

I'll be thinking of you!

Muitas vezes pergunto-me por que razão ...

I often wonder why things happen in life.  It seems to me that life has it all figured out.  I however do not have life figured out. 


I am a work in progress. Most days I have a plan.  Walk, cook, unpack, and blog...today my plan is not working out the way I want it to work.  Life seems to have a different idea of what I need. 


I try daily to improve upon who I am.  Today is the start of a new chapter. I am changing the way I look at the world because sometimes the way we look at things is not always the way we should.
Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, we walk into our destiny.
I am walking with my eyes wide open this time as over the years I chose to walk with blinders on my eyes. I am looking daily at the world and am seeing new things around every corner.


I am blessed and did not realize it.  I deserve happiness but settled for less.  I am a beautiful person and am just now starting to see my beauty. I have a wonderful teacher and someday he will reap the benefits of his teachings....


Remember when you touch someone with your spirit, in turn they touch your soul with their heart.


My cup is full !!!


Just for you:
                   

Muitas vezes pergunto-me porque é que as coisas acontecem na vida. Parece-me que a vida tem tudo figurado para fora. EU no entanto, não ter a vida figurado para fora.

Tenho um trabalho em andamento. A maioria dos dias eu tenho um plano. Caminhar, cozinhar, retire da embalagem, e blog ... hoje o meu plano não está funcionando da maneira que eu quero trabalhar. Vida parece ter uma ideia diferente do que eu preciso.

Tento diariamente para melhorar sobre quem eu sou. Hoje é o início de um novo capítulo. Estou mudando a maneira de eu olhar para o mundo, porque às vezes a forma como olhamos para as coisas nem sempre é a forma como deveríamos.

Uma vez em um quando, no meio de uma vida ordinária, caminhamos para o nosso destino.

Estou andando com os meus olhos bem abertos neste momento, como ao longo dos anos que eu escolhi para caminhar com persianas em meus olhos. Estou procurando diariamente no mundo e estou vendo coisas novas em cada esquina.

Estou feliz e não sabia. EU mereço felicidade, mas ficaram-se por menos. Eu sou uma pessoa maravilhosa e estou começando a ver a minha beleza. Tenho um excelente professor e um dia ele vai colher os benefícios de seus ensinamentos ...


Lembre-se de que quando você tocar em alguém com o seu espírito, por sua vez, tocar a tua alma com o seu coração.


O meu copo está cheio!!!

I will miss you! Vou sentir saudades suas!

Forgive me this one post as I will be writing in Portuguese for a very special person in my life! Alex, I hope it translates ok😊😊😊

Meu pe de noite hoje foi muito legal. Eu muitas vezes tirar fotos com o meu telefone para mostrar o Alex como e o mundo atraves dos meus olhos.

Hoje nao foi diferente no entanto o passeio foi um poues diferente para mim.

Como eu percebi que essa partilha minhas fotos com else vao ser mais dificil para as proximas quatro semanas. Voce ve que meu Alex deixou hoje para uma viagem de quatro semanas no Brasil.

Esta no ar, enquanto eu digito isso e seu em Portugues para que else possa very que sempre tentave communicar-se com ele em todos os possiveis da linguagem.

Meu objectivo e aprender Portugues entao se ua tiver a oportunidade de conhecer a familia dele entao eu posso falar com eles seem um tradutor.

Meu querido conselho simples e lembrar que a aceitacao e a chave para todas as relacoes.  Aceite o que eles estao sem esperar que else mudar nada. Que saibam sempre que tem chance que voce as ama incondicionalmente. Nunca esperava um pedido de desculpas de alguem porque nem todos na vida entendem o significado por tras de um pedido de desculpas. No entanto, ame como se fosse a ultima vez que voce Vagi velos. Very atraves de suas falhas e se concentrar em suas realizacoes. Todo mundo tem uma realizacao na vida. O meu e o tato de que eu estou percebendo que eu merecoa felicidade e voce me faz feliz.

Obrigada por sua paciencia, sua bondade e seu humor para sem estas coisas que minhas paredes ainda estar em cima.

Apoveite o seu tempo no querido Brasil. Envolva sua familia em seus bravos e abraca-las como seu seu ultimo. Rir com os teus amigos como se fosse a ultima chance de ve-los.  Absorva o nascer e o por deu sol enquanto eu vou estar assistondo a partir daqui. Emendar aqueles relacionamentos que precisam consertados. Amor, como voce nao pode imaginar alguma vez amar novamente.

Te vejo depois!

Dad ...he is my savior

He didn't realize that he was my everything.... my rock, my encourager, my dad.

Our memories go deep for he was the man in my life for so long. He taught me right from wrong. He gently scolded me when needed.  He was my cheerleader, my team captain, my coach.

I was taught every lesson in life by my dad.  I was given the freedom to make mistakes.  I was given the trust to do the right thing.  I was given the love needed to get me through the hard times.

I was not always the wisest, smartest, prettiest daughter but I was always loved.

He taught me independence, self worth and determination.  For without those three things I wouldn't be where I am today.

My confidence is lacking but slowly with his guidance and love it will return.

I love you dad!!!

Family is where it is at....

Family is a word that some do not have the luxury of knowing.  I have a huge family filled with Aunts and Uncles, cousins, sisters, brother, dad, mom, steps and halfs anyway you look at it I have family.

I had an interesting day today.  One of my sisters called to talk with me and my son today.  He's 19 and done hearing from mom.  So Aunt took over today.  She worked magic in a situation that I just couldn't figure out.

What an amazing thing to watch and listen to how she was able to talk through every aspect of the conversation.  Bit by bit...I am thankful.

The interesting thing is that my sister and I have not always gotten along with each other.  We could go years without speaking but I know one thing about her....if I ever need to talk she is there with open arms.  To give me her brutally honest opinion on every situation.  When we hang up the phone we may not talk again for ten years but if I need her she will be there.

It has taken me 44 long years to realize that she has her faults in life but being a good sister to me is not one of them.  We all have our faults but family is where it is at....

I love you sis...I appreciate the advice you give...I cherish the memories that we make....I especially want to thank you for being a second mom to my son.  Without you in our lives to help who knows where we'd be right now.

I'm forever grateful....

Spring is in the air!

What a beautiful day it is....I just love spring.  The hayfields are growing.  The wind blows through the grass with such zest...you can here the blades of grass rubbing each other.

Blue skies with popcorn clouds 😊😊😊 if you lay back in the grass and close your eyes.  Just listen to spring, it will whisper back to you.  Birds chirping in the blooming cherry trees.  Bees are a buzz.  Tractors in a distance.  Dogs playing and the laughter of kids.

Soon you smell the workings of the country.  Lawnmowers cutting the grass.  Manure being spread in the fields.  Someone off in the distance grilling chicken.  

I so missed the rolling hills and dairy farms.  The barns and farmhouses peak over the hills.  Diners and ballfields...

Springtime is truly in the air!!

I often wonder why!

I often wonder why things happen the way they do.....

Well I'm here to say that I was a huge skeptic😊. 

Fate and destiny ....many people throw those words around. I never really thought about either until a couple weeks ago.  Let me explain.

Last year I met a great guy online.  I know what you're thinking but bare with me.  It took a little while for me to notice him. Eventually we began to talk with each other.  Mind you, we have never met in person, only text and call each other.

We seemed to hit it off immediately.  First time either of us met someone online😊.  We learned a lot about each other those first few months.  Shared stories of our childhood, college life, families and friends.  But eventually we lost track of each other. 😕😕

I often thought about him throughout the next couple months...what he was doing, where he was, if he remembered me....

Then one fateful day in April we found each other online again....The minute I saw his name pop up a smile came on my face and I knew it was fate that brought us together again.  We started talking like it was yesterday.  I missed his conversation so much but never realized until that day. 

We often talk of traveling with each other...this year we picked a place.  Vancouver BC Canada.  We talked about  how interesting it would be to meet each other there....Then he got on his plane and said goodbye....hours later a picture was sent from him to me. In the airline magazine was an article on .....you guessed it Vancouver BC Canada.  Now that's our destiny. 

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder...or if you care for someone set them free if they return...

Yes I say we just might be one destined couple because he completes me. I am so grateful that he's back in my life.  I smile everytime that I think of him.  I just feel whole once again.

You Alex are the reason for my happiness.  See you in November.

And that is why our story happened just the way it did.  You make me smile and I'm thankful every night when I fall asleep knowing that you are in my life once again.

She just doesn't know!!!

I have this angel in my life that god sent to me.

This angel gave me life when I felt dead.

She gave me happiness when I was sad.

She gives me hope when I feel none.

She has no idea that she is special to me.

She just knows that I am mom.

She has no idea the joy she beings me.

She only knows that I am mom.

She has no idea how beautiful she is on the inside.

She is my heart and soul.

Springtime in Maryland

Yes you guessed it...it is springtime in Maryland.  So much to say and not enough time in the day to say it all.  Well let me start by saying that I have moved to Maryland.  Unplanned moved but one of the best moves since I left home and joined the Navy 25years ago. 

Let me update you a little more...lots of changes in my life.

Sarah Jayne my oldest will be a senior this fall at the University of Memphis.  Yes, she transferred and is now living with her boyfriend and they are expecting a baby this October.  Lets just say do not call me Grandma....we will see what the fall brings us.  Yes, she changed majors too.  She is a Spanish Major and minor in Sociology.

Clay is with me in Maryland but plans to return to Western Kentucky in the fall....He has a start up website with a few college friends and a little birdie told me that he has a girl too😊

Mary Beth is now living with her dad in North Carolina.  Although I miss her dearly, a wise man told me to let her go...she will find her way home eventually.

And so that leaves me an empty nester soon.  I found a nice place, looking for a job and trying to remember who Tina is.
This is going to be a wonderful journey in my life.  It starts now and in November I hope to meet the guy who completes me.

The date is set, the town is set and all that is left to do is complete the journey.  Wish me luck in my ventures and remember spring is a time for new beginnings.